Wow! The topic of this week’s post is a complete surprise to me, and the thoughts that I am about to express aren’t the ones I would have voiced just a week ago. I have been changing so dramatically in the past year, and I’m finding that this blog is evolving along with my faith.
Huge Giant Disclaimer: These are my current thoughts. They are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. They don’t pretend to represent the position of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are absolutely not meant to be a criticism of the church, its policies, or any of its leaders or members. My opinions on this topic are shifting so quickly that it may be foolish to attempt to sort them out in such a public way. I am quite sure that not only don’t I have all the answers yet, I probably don’t even know all the questions that I should be asking. What I say in this post may be wrong, and if I’m wrong I hope I will consider new positions and grow in positive ways.
When I push publish on this one, I’m not sure who I might be offending. Believe me when I say that I don’t want to offend anyone. I only want to explain the insight I had this week and explore these ideas in a compassionate way. So I’m praying for the right words to express my feelings. Here goes. . .
On March 17, 2017 Bryce Cook posted a document which examined the LDS church’s position on homosexuality, but I didn’t hear about it or read it until a few days ago. The document is a broad (over 60 pages with footnotes), well-documented examination of how the view of the church has changed over time, where it stands now, and where he hopes it will go in the future. Brother Cook is a faithful member of the church, who loves the gospel and his two gay sons. He wants his sons to have as many of God’s blessings as possible, and he believes in a loving Heavenly Father, who also wants these things for all of his children.
There was something in Brother Cook’s approach that allowed me to listen and be open in a way that any voice that I perceived as angry, critical, or manipulating never could have done. I believe it is the fact that he is just a fellow parent, struggling to do what’s right in the face of formidable and unexpected challenges. Ironically, he starts the discussion in exactly the same way I have heard these arguments made in the past—a way that has always irritated me—by connecting these issues to the 1978 revelation that extended the priesthood to all worthy men regardless of race.
June 8, 1978 is one of those days that stand out in my memory. I was nearly seventeen and we were painting the exterior of our house when we heard the news. I remember my surprise and excitement—surprise because, while I had been taught that black members would eventually receive all the same blessings, I believed it would probably be in the next life—excitement because I had never really been comfortable with the previous policy, which felt racist. I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t pleased with the change—I’m sure there were some, but not among those I knew.
I also have clear memories of reading President Spencer W. Kimball’s book, The Miracle of Forgiveness just a little over a year later, sitting on the bed in my apartment at what was then Ricks College. I loved President Kimball who seemed to be one of the kindest, gentlest men on earth. I admired his tender relationship with his wife, Camilla, and found his book to be comforting and uplifting. I only vaguely remember the chapter on homosexuality. I probably skimmed over it, as it didn’t apply to me or anyone that I knew personally. Now as I hear the words from that chapter, they seem incredibly outdated, harsh and hurtful. I am struck by the contrast in this man, who moved the church forward in terms of race, but whose views on sexuality are specifically refuted by church leaders today. It is difficult to reconcile a prophet who has so much light and truth, but is still a product of his time and is sometimes wrong.
This week as I was weeding my flowerbeds and listening to a podcast of Brother Cook discussing the ideas from his paper, I had a clear realization that I am also a product of my time. Many of my thoughts really aren’t so different than the racist views of previous generations. I have prejudges that don’t really hold up under scrutiny. Kneeling there in the dirt, I had a very really awareness that the prejudges that I have been holding don’t feel good and letting them go opens my heart. I think I have previously chafed at the comparison between the priesthood ban and the policies that concern homosexuality because lifting the ban confirmed my views and made me more comfortable, while same sex attraction makes me uncomfortable.
It is clear that the church is making substantial changes in its views and positions on LGBT issues, as evidenced by its work on nondiscrimination legislation and the mormonsandgays.org website which was soon revamped into the mormonandgay.org site. For some the changes are coming too quickly and for others much too slowly.
I week ago I could have laid out a clear argument about why the church could never support same-sex marriage. This week I could just as easily argue the other side. Strangely enough, the church’s early practice of polygamy may be one of the factor’s that makes this idea seem more reasonable to me. You see, in an earlier post about doctrine, I explained three criteria for judging whether something is actually doctrine. At that time and using those measures, I came to the conclusion that eternal marriage is a doctrine, but the form it takes is a practice which can differ from one time to another.
Polygamy and other messy church issues also remind me of some of the reasons I love this church. I am grateful to belong to a church that believes in continuing revelation—that teaches that God will yet reveal many great and important things. I appreciate that our leaders have not only allowed, but encouraged, members to seek answers for themselves, even if that means we have differing opinions on a variety of issues. I am comforted knowing that this life is supposed to be a difficult and confusing test, but that a fair and loving Father is in control. One of my favorite quotes is this one by President Uchtdorf:
Faith means that we trust not only in God’s wisdom but that we trust also in His love. It means trusting that God loves us perfectly, that everything He does—every blessing He gives and every blessing He, for a time, withholds—is for our eternal happiness.
With this kind of faith, though we may not understand why certain things happen or why certain prayers go unanswered, we can know that in the end everything will make sense. “All things [will] work together for good to them that love God.”
All will be made right. All will be well.
We can be certain that answers will come, and we may be confident that we will not only be content with the answers but we will also be overwhelmed by the grace, mercy, generosity, and love of our Heavenly Father for us, His children.
I am not suggesting that the church change its policies; I don’t think that is my place. I sustain the prophet and apostles and believe in a just God that will make all things right in His time. I don’t believe, however, that hoping that the church will find ways to make God’s LGBT children feel more loved and welcome, and make their families feel less torn, makes me any less faithful than I was as a teenager, who was excited when black members could have all the blessings of the priesthood and temple.
I don’t feel called to change the church; I only feel called to change myself. I don’t believe I have ever knowingly been mean to a gay person, but I have certainly had unkind thoughts. I realize that while I am alarmed by some of the trends I see in the LGBT community, it is simply prejudice on my part to hold negative feelings toward the whole group. These are God’s children, many of whom are doing their very best to follow the gospel despite mixed messages and great challenges. He loves them and wants me to love as He does. I could and should be less judgmental and more Christ-like in all my thoughts, words and actions. I am thankful for a gospel that teaches that through our Savior’s grace I can improve.
