I’ve just started writing content for this blog and already I have serious conflicts about it. I want to write about the way my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS or Mormon) is growing as I consider the arguments against it, but I don’t believe I would suggest the same path for others.
Today I want to tackle the tough question; should members of the church read or listen to “anti-Mormon” material? The cautions I have been given against this course of action are reasonable. I was told that if someone you cared about had been poisoned, you wouldn’t drink the poison to try to understand it. I was told a story about a counselor in a bishopric who asked to be assigned as the home teacher of a member who was leaving the church after finding information condemning the church. In his effort to understand this brother’s concerns, the counselor lost his testimony and also left the church. I am having a wonderful experience digging into the history and truth claims of the LDS church and I would love to discuss these topics with others, but in no way do I want to be seen as advocating what may be a slippery slope.
Let me try to explain by starting with a little personal background. I was born into and raised by an active LDS family and have always been surrounded by predominantly Mormon influences. While my testimony has had its ups and downs, I have always been a believer with few if any doubts. I was taught and believed that it was best and safest to avoid anything anti-Mormon, so I did. Or I did up until recently when I learned that someone I loved had been listening to podcasts and reading blogs and had concluded that the church was false. It was the first time I had ever considered the possibility of investigating the ideas of those critical of the church and my only motivation was a desire to understand and be able to discuss the concerns of this person.
I began examining my own testimony. To some extent, I had a primary testimony. I’ve spent most of my life serving in the primary (the LDS church’s organization for children), where the things are simple and the answers are easy—go to church, read your scriptures, say your prayers, etc. Those answers have always worked for me, given me comfort and joy, and steered my life in positive ways. But beyond my primary testimony, I had something else. I have had a few experiences when I knew beyond doubt that God had worked in my life. I’ve never heard an audible voice or seen a vision, but I could relate to Joseph Smith saying, “I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation”
As I thought about what I actually knew with certainty, I realized it was quite limited. Like so many with primary testimonies, I was in the habit of bearing my testimony and saying. “I know this and I know that” when in reality it might have been more accurate to say I believed in something or had great faith and a strong testimony of something else. My personal experiences, however, made me sure that there is a God who is benevolent, and both willing and able to guide our lives. I felt certain that as long as I was honestly searching for truth I would be supported by the spirit. Let me stop and explain. I didn’t expect it to be easy. In my opinion, gaining a primary testimony is easy, especially if you have parents who believe and take you to primary every week. I think finding enough information to lose a testimony is also easy; there are so many websites and podcasts happy to give you a long list of truly compelling questions, problems, and issues with the church. I have discovered that finding satisfying answers to the problematic questions is difficult and slow for many reasons. Here are a few of mine:
- The promptings of the spirit aren’t always obvious. I’ve known members who seem to have a direct line to the spirit, but I don’t. I sometimes complain that I don’t want the still small voice; I want the clearly printed word. Couldn’t God just answer my prayers with straight-forward instructions, diagrams, and numbered steps? As it turns out, I seldom get anything that I would even describe as a still small voice. Usually, for me, it is just an impression, an idea, or a feeling. It is easy to question whether they are communications of the spirit or my own thoughts. I’ve known those who say that they pray and never get answers, and I’m not in any position to judge their experiences. I can’t speak for anyone else, but throughout my life, I’ve found that answers do come, but often I don’t recognize them or they come much later, more subtly, or differently than I expected or wanted.
- Finding reliable sources requires more effort. Often the answers that are most satisfying to me are a combination of the intellectual and the spiritual. Before this experience, I hadn’t heard the term apologist, which is a person who defends something. At first, I was offended by the term because apologies are usually given when someone is in the wrong. But soon found that apologists call themselves that and are comfortable with the term. I like reading what they have to say on controversial topics because they tend to produce arguments using logic and research and often make clear that there are other plausible ways to look at something. I try to find primary sources as often as possible and read things in context. I have found that books are often better for scholarly investigation than the quicker, easier sources. Books are generally more in-depth and often contain end-notes and references to aid further study. Understanding history and the scriptures themselves adds perspective. Intellectual inquiry broadens your perspective and helps you recognize faulty claims or reasoning, but it is insufficient for building a testimony.
- Spiritual questioning requires spiritual resolution. No amount of study or debate will prove the church true or false. Ultimately the answers have to come from God. When we focus too much on the facts we lose the unseen forces, the power, and the miracles. I don’t understand gravity, but I’m sure that if I jump off a cliff I’m going down. I can’t see God, but a lifetime of experimenting has led me to believe that he loves me and wants to bless me. Finding answers through the spirit requires humility and a willingness to do things God’s way. It involves obedience and patience. Critics of the church paint these things as akin to brainwashing, but I see them as crucial to finding the truth. When I started this journey, I promised myself that I would expand my scripture study, prayer and worship. Opposing voices may discourage this, but if there is no higher power then these practices shouldn’t have an impact. Finding time to balance everything is challenging and makes the process much slower.
Diving into the tough issues certainly isn’t for everyone.
Maybe the most surprising discovery that has come from my recent studies is that usually the answers that resonate most powerfully with me lead me back to my primary testimony or to the most basic doctrines—Christ, His Atonement, the plan of salvation, patience, kindness, forgiveness, and love. I feel that my testimony is growing and deepening, but I often wonder if the same amount of time and effort studying scripture and other LDS materials wouldn’t provide a more pleasant path to much the same place.
If you have a desire to research the tough questions of Mormonism, I don’t believe the brethren necessarily warn against it. President Gordon B Hinckley taught:
“As a Church, we encourage gospel scholarship and the search to understand all truth. Fundamental to our theology is belief in individual freedom of inquiry, thought, and expression. Constructive discussion is a privilege of every Latter-day Saint.”
There are certainly arguments in favor of taking on the thorny issues. Among these are:
- Listening to critical voices can help you to become more empathetic. No two people have the same experiences and even when two people are in identical situations they may process and interpret things in vastly different ways. Anytime you really listen to another person’s story with the goal of understanding, compassion follows. Not everyone’s experience with the church goes smoothly and as children of God, we should have deep desires to reach out to all of our brothers and sisters with love and compassion.
- It can be enlightening. I love learning more about church history, early saints, the scriptures, the doctrines. There are benefits that come from any focused attempt to learn new things and find truth.
- It can make you more comfortable and confident when these topics come up. You may not have all the answers, but you will be less likely to feel shaken or clueless.
So, should a person listen to the critics? I don’t know; I don’t know a lot of things, but I know there is a God, and like Nephi, I know that he loveth his children.
Let Him guide you.
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