I’ve always been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and by that, I mean that I have been actively participating for more than half a century—attending three hours of services on Sunday, serving in many callings, and going to years of seminary and institute classes. I thought I knew Mormonism pretty well. That was until a little over a year ago when faced with dozens of thorny questions about the church that I couldn’t adequately answer. How could there be so many things about a religion I professed to believe in that I knew little or nothing about?
As it turns out I wasn’t alone. Many members, but particularly those in the generations younger than mine, are questioning or losing their faith in Mormonism when faced with the kinds of questions and information I had just been made aware of. In The Religious Educator, an academic journal published by BYU, Gerrit J. Dirkmaat emphasizes the value of being familiar with the Gospel Topics essays on LDS.org, saying:
In the world today, the primary form of anti-Mormon attacks is not theological in nature – it’s “gotcha” anti-Mormonism. It is to tell a member of the church something that is “true” but placed in a negative context, that they think they should’ve known because they’ve gone on a mission, because they’re a BYU student or so forth, but that they’ve never heard before. When you’re in a position where someone is telling you something that you’ve never heard before, they have all of the moral high ground because you have no idea. Again, with the example about the translation of the Book of Mormon, the other person talks about Joseph Smith “putting a Rock in his magic hat.” They get to set the terms of that context and create the initial impression—which is a very negative impression. And then they get to ask the follow-up question, which is the real killer: “Why has the Church been hiding this from you? What else is the Church lying to you about?” It’s a “gotcha” setup. But having exposure to these essays can eliminate that “gotcha” factor and can really change the conversation.
The essays cover just some of the challenging topics that the critics are using to undermine faith in Mormonism, and after reading them I felt even less like I knew it all. As a matter of fact, the more I study the less informed I feel. Let me try to clarify with an example unrelated to the gospel. I used to be a math teacher and noticed something similar in some of my students. Very young students, the ones who knew the least, frequently thought that once you had mastered addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division you knew math, but by the time they were proficient at these operations, they realized that math also includes algebra, geometry, and trigonometry. If you keep going you soon recognize that calculus is just the prerequisite for topics that can’t even be comprehended without having grasped all the earlier concepts. In math, it seems that the more you learn, the easier it is to comprehend what a small part of the whole you actually know.
That is how I now feel about the gospel. I used to think that being a lifetime member made me a Mormonism expert. Now, even though I’m doing a serious investigation of topics related to the LDS church, it seems like I’m just scratching the surface of something much larger than I had ever imagined. I am also becoming much more aware of what I don’t know, what I actually know and what I only believe.
Here are four examples of things I’m realizing I don’t know much about:
LDS Church History – I know the basic faith-promoting history taught in seminary and at church. I’m pretty much a newbie at the actual history, which is much more complex and nuanced, but I’m learning to think like a historian, to evaluate the reliability of sources, and put events in a wider historical perspective. I’m beginning to see that there are many things that we can’t prove with any certainty because the needed evidence simply doesn’t exist, and there are others which seem certain until new contradictory information comes to light. I am having a great time learning a fuller, more complicated history of the church, populated with real three-dimensional people. I am learning to appreciate the truth in the warning, “Remember that history is like a foreign country; you may not understand the language or the culture.”
Theology – Since I’ve always been a Mormon and never seriously questioned it before, I’ve never felt particularly compelled to learn about the religions of others. I know very little about non-Christian belief systems or the differences between the theological views of Mormonism and other Christian churches. I have kept my gospel studies separate from my academic learning, and largely limited my religious inquiries to those things that are taught in church, seminary, and institute or printed by sources associated with the church. In doing so, I have failed to think critically about my own beliefs, restricted my understanding of others, and missed a richness of thought and ideas. I am just beginning to understand why the teaching of Joseph Smith and other early LDS leaders and missionaries caused such a stir. It seems, however, that the more I learn about theology the better I like the understanding of the purpose of life presented in Mormon teachings.
Scripture – Over the years I’ve done my share of scripture reading, but this has usually looked more like a task to be checked off the list than a serious, in-depth investigation. I have greatly limited my experience by trying to get through a certain number of chapters, pages or minutes, rather than digging for understanding and truth. I am just starting to distinguish between the various types of literature found in the standard works, and how identifying these forms can enhance the meaning of the text. In the past, I have felt like the King James Version was sufficient instead of acknowledging the value that comes from considering different translations and investigating the meaning of the original Hebrew, Aramaic, or Greek text. I have failed to understand the historical context of scriptural events, which can differ from the perspective, setting, or purpose at the time that these events were recorded or translated.
The mind of God – My deep dive into the gospel has convinced me that God and his plan are much bigger than I can comprehend. One thing that I’ve noticed when listening to the opponents of religion is an appeal to logic—to believing in only those things that can be understood and explained. Those same critics use flattery, telling you that you are smart enough to figure it out for yourself, and anything that you can’t comprehend should be dismissed as superstition or deception. This is in direct conflict with God’s requirement of faith. He tells us in Isaiah:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As I have put my Mormonism under a microscope, I have come to believe that the Lord will give us direction, and even a personal confirmation that the instruction we have received is, in fact, his will, but most often He won’t explain himself or his reasons to us. This is challenging because we are, in turn, unable to explain ourselves to those who believe that our faith is foolishness.
Now, Here are three examples of things I have become more aware and confident of:
My ward is full of people who are genuinely concerned about each other and trying to follow the example of Christ. As I have tried to take a more analytical view of Mormonism, I have found myself scrutinizing my ward; after all, this is the institutional Mormonism that has had the most direct impact on me and on my family throughout the years. I find myself asking, “Are these people a bunch of blind sheep, mindlessly following their leaders?” While there is no doubt that a cynic could find plenty of faults in any ward, my closer observation has given me a stronger conviction than ever before that these are intelligent, devoted people, trying to do the right things, often under difficult circumstances or at great personal sacrifice. I see an honest effort at self-improvement and a sincere concern for and kindness towards others. In Matthew, we are told that we can judge something by the fruit it produces. If that is true, I’d say the fruit in my ward is pretty sweet.
In observing generations I see positive outcomes from living the gospel. I feel like I’m at a weird stage of life. Lately, I find myself wanting to impart the wisdom that comes from age to young people, even while knowing that there are many people older who would probably laugh and want to impart some to me. I’m not sure why I’m suddenly feeling my age; maybe it is how old photos and movies from my childhood look now. Maybe it is the growing number of historical events that I remember being current events, or maybe it is the changes I’ve seen in those around me.
I’ve nearly always lived near family and watched their lives with interest. I remember my grandparents and my great aunts and uncles. They are all gone now, but when I was a child they were probably about the age I am now. I’ve watched my parents and their siblings since they were young parents. I have seen my siblings and cousins grow from children to parents and grandparents. All of my children and many of my nieces and nephews have grown up and are starting or raising families of their own. That’s five generations of, for the most part, big Mormon families. We are talking about a lot of people who lives I’ve followed—a great deal of joy and sorrow, success and failure. Some have left the church, but most have stayed. I firmly believe that the impact of the gospel has been overwhelmingly positive. I feel confident that those who believed and did their best to live accordingly were generally guided to make good life decisions, were sustained in their trials and contributed to the world around them in positive ways. It’s not easily proved, but I am convinced that I have seen lives transformed in miraculous and positive ways by embracing the gospel.
My life is better the deeper in I get. I have always been an active member of the church, but my level of devotion has varied across time. I am satisfied that living gospel principles makes me more patient and compassionate, as it inspires me to see others as beloved children of God. It encourages me to do more service and provides many opportunities. Believing that this life is part of a bigger plan, that challenges are opportunities for growth, and that a loving Father is willing to work in our lives gives me peace and perspective. My efforts to live the gospel has saved me from the consequences of poor decisions I might have otherwise made and encourages me to progress towards lofty goals.
I know that I still have so much to learn, which makes me grateful for the belief that I have the spirit to guide me and an eternity to do it.
